Thursday, September 21, 2006

Radio Daze: Part Two

Another Thursday, another radio appearance for yours truly. In fact, today's episode was disturbingly similar to what happened the last time, actually. A little explanation.

You see, even though I'm a man of habit I tend to get bored pretty easily. It doesn't take a lot to get me un-bored. A good movie, CD or video game can do it for me. Other people generally don't, but that's not their fault. I'm somewhat of a shameless isolator with a disdain for small talk and conversational niceties. But, I'm getting all tangential and stuff. Today's excitement came in the form of another radio station contest. This particular contest airs every weekday on one of the local stations at 5:00 PM, and every day it has a different theme. It also happens that I have a knack for being able to get through on the phone line. I can't explain it. Perhaps I'm a fast dialer or something. I know the station has it's fair share of listeners - the ratings are very good - so I can't figure out why it never rings busy. Perhaps it's the karmic God of Radio anointing me holy after my years of tortuous toil in the industry. Or maybe not. Whatever - I got through. Yay me. Sort of.

The name of the game today was "Pop Culture Word Association" and the premise was simple enough. The DJ would name five celebrities and after each one the contestants would have to say the first word that popped into his/her head. No pauses allowed and if you didn't know the person he named, you were disqualified. The person who was best able to amuse the DJ would be the winner. Thus, this was not a contest in the strictest sense of the word. The winner was nothing more than a DJ's whim.

As it turned out, my phone line was the 2nd one picked to participate and as such, I knew there was no way I'd be declared the winner. Firstly, the person before me had been disqualified and secondly, as the first legitimate contestant to get through all five celebrities the DJ had no other answers to compare mine to, so I ended up getting a bum deal. After all, he's trying to make his show an entertaining one. He's not worried about whether or not his contest is actually fair. Still, it ended up being fun. Here's a transcript of how it went down, followed by some explanations for my answers.

(The DJ picks up the phone and talks to the 1st contestant - remember, I was the 2nd)

DJ: OK, you ready to play Pop Culture Word Association? I'm going to name five celebrities and you say the first word that comes to mind. OK?

Contestant #1: Yep. Go ahead.

DJ: OK. Here we go. Nicole Ritchie.

Contestant #1: Whore.

DJ: Jake Plummer

Contestant #1: Sucks

DJ: Dr. Meredith Gray

Contestant #1: Oh... um... whore, again!

DJ: Noooooo... you can't do that.

(The DJ then hangs up on contestant #1 and picks up my line)

DJ: Hey, you wanna play Pop Culture Word Association? I'm gonna name five celebrities and you tell me the first word that comes to mind. OK?

Me: Sho' Nuff.

DJ: Nicole Ritchie.

Me: Heroin.

DJ: Jake Plummer

Me: Choke.

DJ: Dr. Meredith Gray.

Me: Hack.

DJ: Katie Holmes.

Me: Herpes.

DJ: Ryan Seacrest.

Me: Toothpaste.

DJ: Nice.

(The DJ then proceeds to hang up on my ass without any warning whatsoever.)

Alright - so a little explanation is in order, I guess. I associated heroin with Nicole Ritchie because... well, have you seen her? She's disgustingly emaciated. No one finds this ridiculous weight loss suspicious? And yeah, the supermarket rags like People and US Weekly have screaming headlines like 'Nicole Ritchie's Diet Obsession' and 'How Thin is Too Thin?' but for once can't someone call a spade a spade and print a headline like 'Nicole Ritchie's a Smack Addict?' For God's sake, she was arrested for speeding and the stuff was found on her possession. Anyway, enough about her. Why the hell is she famous anyway? Probably because of bloggers like me.

Jake Plummer, for those who've never heard of him, is the quarterback for the Denver Broncos. He had a career year last year after several years of mediocrity, but after only two games this season, the townsfolk of Denver are already screaming for his head and want him replaced with rookie QB Jay Cutler (which is unlikely to happen, or so the scribes say.) Further still, Plummer brings his Broncos team into Foxboro, MA this weekend to face my beloved New England Patriots. I don't know who's going to win this game (I won't go on record as saying the Patriots will - not after two shaky wins) but I figured I'd do my part and pin the word 'choke' on Plummer in the hopes that that's what he'll do this Sunday.

I have no idea who Dr. Meredith Gray is. I'm a little embarrassed about this. I consider myself pretty well versed in popular culture and I feel like if she's mentioned in a contest like this I should have at least heard of her. I said 'Hack' simply because most television doctor's (like Dr. Phil et al.) can be described this way and it's not something that can really be argued with.

***UPDATE - 10:09 P.M.: I have since googled her name and found out that she's the lead character in the television show "Grey's Anatomy" - a show I'm proud to say I've not watched once. My masculinity is SO intact right now.***

Katie Holmes and herpes? Why yes, Dr. Gray. Herpes, indeed. Just take a look at this photo. Need I say more? Didn't think so.

As for Ryan Seacrest... well, I know that he's the host of American Idol (another show I can proudly say I've never watched, although since it's written about to death in the local newspapers it's impossible not to know the people's names) and I think he took over for Casey Kasem in hosting American Top 40 on the radio but other than that I don't know a blessed thing about him. I therefore honed in on the last syllable of his last name and thus, came up with 'Toothpaste.'

So no, I didn't win and unfortunately after getting hung up on, I got another phone call and wasn't able to hear what the actual winners answers were. No matter. I probably would have just gotten irritated anyway. Still, I was able to get some hearty guffaws out of the DJ for both the 'Herpes' and 'Choke' comments (why the latter, I have no idea. I don't even think it's that funny.) If I keep this up there's bound to be another prize pack in my future somewhere... and it will probably contain Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy, some heroin, and if I'm lucky, a tube of toothpaste. Hmm... maybe I should make more an effort with this small talk thing.


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