Stop. Hammer Time

Are you one of those self-conscious dancers? You know, like at weddings and stuff, when everyone starts to boogie down, do you go to the bathroom every ten minutes to avoid being dragged onto the dance floor by some well meaning friend? Or do you go to the way back corner table and strike up a conversation with your widowed Aunt Ethel (whom you would almost never speak to under normal circumstances) in order to avoid looking like an ass on the dance floor, yet not look like a wallflower doing it?

I'm beginning to see some rather shame-faced nods of approval out there. I'm with you. In my younger years, I tried everything... EVERYTHING... to keep from embarrassing myself by actually dancing at these types of events. On the rare occasion when it was unavoidable (like the wedding in Santa Barbara where I was literally dragged to the dance floor by the BRIDE, whom you can't say no to) my nervousness only made me more self-conscious and I threw down some moves that would make Elaine from Seinfeld look like a bit player in Lord of the Dance. The bride was appalled.

Thing is, I'm not a bad dancer. I wouldn't say I'm good, but I'm certainly no worse than most of the people out there shakin' their thang. (Note: I can do the centipede like no one's business. Really. I'd put you all to shame. Don't mess with me, sucka.) But for the longest time, I thought I was terrible and that became a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. In recent years though, I've stopped caring. In fact, it's almost to the point where I don't give a shit. Why? Two big reasons. First, as I've gotten a little older I'm not nearly as self-conscious as I used to be. The second is that... well... a LOT of people look like idiots when they dance. Better yet, they're even aware of it but they still go out there, shake some booty, and have a great time doing it. True, alcohol consumption helps, but not a huge amount. Mostly, it's just about going out there and having a good time. Once you get that down, you're golden. Plus, even if you are a superb dancer - I mean like Saturday Night Fever level here - you still kind of look stupid. Seriously. Some of those great dance moves that have stood the test of time? They were invented by people waiting in line for the bathroom. Don't believe me? Check out the white boy comedian showing us the "evolution of dance" in the video below. Starts out a little slow, but it starts turning into comedy gold about the time he gets to the Brady Bunch. Now this guy can dance.

Happy Friday. Let's boogie.