Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Comment Craziness

Sorry folks... I guess I got some 'splainin to do.

"What about?" you ask.

"The comments" say I.

For the past two plus weeks I've been thinking to myself, 'Good Christ, the people reading this are nothing but a bunch of bored-at-work drones. No comments! I'm dull, but I'm not this dull. Heathens.'

My thoughts, it would appear, were quite unfounded. I should've been thinking something like this, 'You know what, Eric? You're an idiot. A complete and utter dumbass. Really. Has it ever occurred to you to stop and think for a second before you judge others for their actions (or lack thereof?) No, of course not. And now you look like a fool. A handsome fool, but a fool, nonetheless. I say to you.. er me, Eat Crow, Senor! Eat Crow.'

Yes, I must call myself out. Here's what happened. Not long ago, I started receiving random "comment spam" on the blog. I'd write a post about how I'm going to update more often and not on Tuesday or Friday blah, blah, blah. You know, the usual nonsense I spew forth in an effort to throw a dog a bone. Couple of hours later, I'd receive some comment from some user named eg68jh78hre8n3 who wrote something having nothing to do with the post. Usually it would be something along the lines of, "Hey! Very Nice! Check out my degree programs online! You can earn extra cash!" To which I said, "Fuck off, chump!"

Or at least I thought I did... Thinking I was doing us all a favor and getting the better of the spammers, I went into the Blogger settings and, without reading any directions or notices as to what it might actually do (my father would be so proud), selected the "Moderate Comments" function. I figured with a name like "Moderate Comments" you couldn't go wrong.

What I expected to be able to do as a result of choosing that option was to edit people's comments as they're posted. So, if someone decided to write me "hate spam," which is certainly not out of the realm of possibility (in fact it's happened before) I could merely go in and snip out the offending words or delete the post entirely. What actually ocurred was something completely different. Instead of allowing me to edit other people's comments (really dictatorial when you think about it, which is probably why I liked it) it threw everyone's comments into a holding cell of sorts, where they would await my review, and hope desperately for my green light to be published. In other words you write the comment, it goes to it's holding cell, I read it and decide whether or not I like it and if so, I hit the 'Publish' button which then posts the comment to the blog.

Like I said before however, I didn't bother to read how this thing actually worked so I had know idea that this "holding cell" even existed. I found out about it today, quite by accident, when I was about to change something on the sidebar and hit the wrong button instead. So worry not, my good subjects, comments that once were lost have now been found! Hallelujah! They have risen! Better yet, so you don't have to go scouring through all the posts to read them (now that they've finally been published), I'm going to post them all below, starting with the oldest and working our way up to today. If you're really bored, you can try and figure out which comment goes with which post, but to be honest, I'm too lazy to bother figuring that out myself and including it. So without further ado:

03/31/2006 12:34:04 PM
Anonymous said...
"I don't count this as a blog post. Although I am grateful for Hapland 3..."

04/01/2006 01:11:03 PM
Chris said...
"That game is great. "There is 30 levels". I'm hooked. Got to level 5 and had to turn it off for a while as a precaution.

No sidebar reading for me. I'm only reading your posts through the feed."

04/09/2006 09:42:53 PM
E.A.P. said...
"Follow these "sleep hygiene" rules:
-no caffeine after 12 noon
-go to sleep at the same time every night (no matter how hard that may be).
-wake up at the same time every morning.
-Use your bed only for sleep and sex (no reading, TV or surfing the web)
-try to develop a ritual (shower then warm milk then 20 minutes of reading in living room) to follow every night.
-It may be helpful to help "reset" your clock with something like Ambien or Sonata (perscription sleep aids) for 10 days. Call your sister or your PCP for this request.

After about 10-14 days you will be sleeping like a baby. Your internal clock will be readjusted and you will have little trouble. Of course, if you are in a noisy environment then the earplugs can't hurt....except I find them irritating enough that they make it even more difficult for me to sleep...."

04/12/2006 11:20:45 PM
Tim said...
"A very good friend of mine is a Swede who learned English in Birmingham and Baton Rouge. The Swedish-Southern accent is doubtlessly the craziest I've heard, and most unimitable."

04/13/2006 11:17:23 AM
Anonymous said...
"I also was deemed to be 25% Dixie, which I find hahd to believe. I'm guessing that the creators of this exam are from somewhere in GA and feel everyone should be at least 1/4 "down home".

04/14/2006 03:33:33 AM
Anonymous said...
"You suck, you foul-mouthed blaspheming cretin! I've got a good mind to go up to that "Beantown", or should I say "Farttown" (because beans make you fart) you love so much and kick your ass. "OoooOOOoooHHHhh... I can't sleep. Whine Whine Whine... my car is in the shop. Boo Hoo... The Red Sux lost." Here's a tip. Shut your mouth and go shit in your hat. I can't read this crap anymore."


(Just kidding, folks. That last one was a fake. Just making sure y'all were still awake.)

04/15/2006 10:13:41 PM
Sean says...
"That's awesome! I might just have to do the same. Been wanting one of these for a long time now. Good deal. Save that extra $30 for some music..."

04/17/2006 03:23:51 PM
Anonymous says...
"Does Tom know his son is on the internet??? This does breech confidentiality, you know!!! And you know how much he loves that!!!"

04/18/2006 02:56:43 PM
Eric says...
"Now hold on. What's the real breech of confidentiality here? The fact that I posted a picture of a baby who happens to be named Colin (of which there are literally hundreds?) Or the fact that that you took it one step further and decided to mention that his father's name was Tom?

Think before you speak, dear sister."

nd there you have it, my good fellows. The comments, fully restored in all their glory. Rest assured, I don't plan on making a mistake like this again. Although... I don't plan on reading instructions anytime soon either, so a repeat performance is entirely possible. In either case, feel free to comment to your hearts content and, for now at least, the masses will hear you. Have a good one, groove cats.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I thought you edited my comment out...embarrassed by the "use bed only for sleep and sex". Now I understand. Get some sleep! And let me know if you want that Ambien.

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Comment spam??? Who would have thought it possible. What will happen next? Is there nothing sacred in this world? Terrible, just terrible.

9:24 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Nothing you could say would embarrass me, El. Well... almost nothing. Thanks for your advice, but I'm not sure I like that whole caffeine after 12 noon deal. I like my tea, but never after 4 PM. Still - desperate times call for desperate measures. I'll keep you posted on the narcotics.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Went to Gmail as suggested but I think it would be too confusing to give up my address. Have you done it yet? Like your blog, gufusmusing's mom.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I mean goofus musing's mom. thought that didn't look right

1:14 PM  
Blogger Jesse Anna Bornemann said...

I thought that was a slant on Goofus Musings (like, "Yo' momma..."), but actually that IS my mom. Hi, Mom! We're both fans.

And, for the record (since it's ON the record again): Southern accents are the best accents.

8:45 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Goofus Musing's mom?!? Welcome. So you're the person we have to thank for such eloquence. Well done, madam. Your daughter's blog is superb... but you knew that.

As for Gmail... I actually have two Gmail addresses (one for business, one for personal) which I got to replace my two hotmail accounts... only I haven't gotten rid of my two hotmail accounts. In total, I have FIVE... wait, no SIX different e-mail addresses. Some people have one address, others have another. Some are used only for spam. Others are legitimate. Honestly, it's all very confusing and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if people just started calling me Sybil at some point. Ultimately, I think I could only benefit by switching over, if only so I had one or two places to check my mail, and people had a consistent place to send stuff to me.

But yeah, it can be a bit of hassle switching. You have to let everyone know that "this is your new address and the old one is no longer valid." If you signed up for any important online accounts (like Amazon, web banking/investing or stuff like that), you'll have to go in and change the address. Luckily, you can probably have any messages from your old account forwarded to your new so you wouldn't miss anything, but as you correctly surmised, it get's confusing. I'm sure this book I've just written doesn't help matters either...

If you're happy enough with your current email, I'd say don't bother, but if you want to give Gmail a shot they've created this little "help file" to make switching easier which you can find here

Lastly, Google (unbelievably) still requires users to be "invited" to join Gmail by another user. If you decide you do want an account, shoot me an email to - get this - eric@murkywords.com (don't worry - it just forwards to a gmail address) and I can send you the invite. That goes for anyone else reading this too...

9:56 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Oh, hi Jesse. Didn't see you there. We weren't talking about you... really. So, no need to worry. You can just continue doing whatever it was you were doing...

Oh, and I don't know about your claim that Southern accents are the best. I'd agree that it's better than a Boston, but have you heard a Scottish accent before? A good Scottish accent can throw a person into hysterics... just look at Groundskeeper Willie or Mel Gibson in Bravehart. They sound absurd.

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for the info about Google Eric. I guess I will stick with what I have. Have you read W. Mossberg's computer column in the WSJ. After I read it one time, I tried to use Mozilla...but got frustrated. I am in NO with JA. We just had some drinks at a great place called Jacque Imos... we paced ourselves by eating string french fries and cornbread with fried oysters and spinach. Only in the south can you get by with cornbread at the bar.
Like you I hate actors trying to sound southern (or in your case northern). There are so many dif southern accents. A character in one of Peter Taylor's books said he could tell what area in Nashvlle someone was from in by their accent. (PT is a wonderful southern writer, who is buried in Sewanee TN) He wrote A Summons From Memphis (or maybe it was to Memphis)
Well anyway. I enjoy your blog (and of course Jesse's). Come on down and we will lay it on thick (the accent that is) for you. Jesse's mom

2:12 AM  

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