Friday, April 07, 2006

Dude, Your Sheep Suck

Ick. I seem to have fallen into the very noticeable and predictable habit of posting something late on Tuesday night and then again on Friday afternoon. How very boring, and clearly not up to my potential. I guess more posts are in order then.

Moving on. I've only been back from vacation for about a month and I already feel like I need another one. But, worry not. I'm not going to get on my soapbox and whine. I'm just a worn out insomniac. The bags under my eyes (always constant - they seem to be family trait) are much more pronounced. I'm more quick to irritate (which should scare a lot of you who know how easy that is on a normal day), I feel sluggish, and I'm constantly yawning. In fact, I've had to correct about four misspellings in this post already, due to yawns and a poor attention span.

So, I'm soliciting advice from any of you who might have some decent remedies. I should preface this by saying I'm familiar with a bunch of them already. Warm milk, herbal tea, meditation, swift kick to the head... I've tried many of them. My current experiment is some sort of homeopathic 'Sound Sleep' pill found at Whole Foods, which I've taken for the past three nights. My initial thoughts are that I've been swindled. After about a half hour I'll fall asleep only to wake up at around 3 or 4 and have some sort of sleep/toss & turn mix until 7:15 when I (should) wake up. Maybe these things are like valium and they need to "build up" in your system, but I don't think so. More likely, I think I've bought a bottle of water filled filled gelcaps.

I won't buy those heavy duty, over the counter, drug-riddled things you can get at CVS because they scare me, so the next thing I think I'm going to try are earplugs. Part of what contributes to this current bout of insomnia is that I'm a light sleeper and I happen to live in a fairly loud environment. My roommate often wakes up before I do and I invariably hear him as he showers (thankfully he's stopped singing) or prepares breakfast or whatever. Further, one of my bedroom windows is right next to the rear porch and there's this pigeon that has decided to make that the rafters his um... love nest. Every damn morning - at the first light of dawn, mind you, which usually happens around 5:00 AM - I'm abruptly awoken to the sounds of... well, you know... pigeon cooing and all that crap, and it lasts for HOURS. Honestly, I'd be more than happy to pull a Hannibal Lecter and run the thing through with a butter knife but if I did so, I'd probably have to find another place to live, seeing as my roommate (who doubles as my landlord) is a card carrying member of PETA. Plus, it's not a nice thing to do. We all share this Earth together and all that jazz... I may go and have a word with him about his need to constantly take a dump on the porch, but I won't kill him. I'll just have to ignore him, and hopefully the earplugs will help me do that.

I'm glad it's the weekend so that, if anything, I can at least attempt to sleep past the time I would normally get up, but sometimes even that is fruitless. I lay in bed and do my best Al Pacino in Insomnia imitation (by the way, that movie was terrible. Skip it if you haven't seen it and go with the original version instead. I liked it much better although I can't be too sure because I, irony of ironies, fell asleep at the end. No joke.) I figure if the earplugs don't help, my last resort is to get out of bed and read every post I've written in the last month or so. If THAT doesn't work, it's time to call in a doctor or start doing sleep studies... or something. But now, it's late on Friday afternoon, I'm yawning incessantly, and I can't think of anything interesting or funny to write. I think I'll close here and bid you a fond adieu. In light of my current absence of humor , I'll leave you with an audio clip I found floating around the Internet. Taken from what I can only guess is a BBC radio broadcast, these two proper English gentlemen provide a great way to end your Friday. Although it's kind of hard to tell, I'm pretty sure they're talking about cricket. Talk about a subject that will put you to sleep.

Goodnight folks. Sweet Dreams.

Download: Legover

P.S. Oh FINE. Because it's appropriate (and I only just now thought of it), an extra download for your Friday. Here is the dance club classic Insomnia by Faithless. This song was huge among the ravers and club rats back in the mid to late 90's when I was in college. Brings back very fond, yet very hazy, memories. If you watched MTV at all back then, you'll probably recognize it. Enjoy.

Download: Faithless - Insomnia


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Follow these "sleep hygiene" rules:
-no caffeine after 12 noon
-go to sleep at the same time every night (no matter how hard that may be).
-wake up at the same time every morning.
-Use your bed only for sleep and sex (no reading, TV or surfing the web)
-try to develop a ritual (shower then warm milk then 20 minutes of reading in living room) to follow every night.
-It may be helpful to help "reset" your clock with something like Ambien or Sonata (perscription sleep aids) for 10 days. Call your sister or your PCP for this request.

After about 10-14 days you will be sleeping like a baby. Your internal clock will be readjusted and you will have little trouble. Of course, if you are in a noisy environment then the earplugs can't hurt....except I find them irritating enough that they make it even more difficult for me to sleep....

9:42 PM  

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