Thursday, February 09, 2006

You Put The Lime In The Coconut?

Yup, I'm alive. Yup, I'm still posting. Glad we got that out of the way.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I come from a family awash in medical know-how. In fact, all the women in the family had the good sense to make it their life's work. At last count, they number two nurses and an M.D. Future counts are unlikely to reveal any changes in that number. My brother and father are firmly ensconced in their career and retirement, respectively. Not long ago, I had entertained the idea of dropping everything and going into nursing (for monetary reasons) but my mother was quick to very gently set me straight, noting that while nursing is a great career with the potential for great rewards (financial and otherwise), and that many more men were entering the field, she could not - at all - see me changing a bedpan. Too right. Thanks Mom.

As it turns out, a bedpan would have been the least of my worries. This morning, whilst sipping tea and shirking work, I stumbled across this list of patient no-no's on the forums of (Note: I don't normally spend my mornings going through the forums of specialized websites on fields I have nothing to do with. The list, superb as it is, found its way onto Boing Boing, which is fast becoming my favorite site on the web. Great way to kill time.) Some of the entries include:
  • Always wait until finishing your woodwork with the skillsaw prior to using your meth.
  • Don't road surf on the top of a moving stickshift car driven by your younger sibling with a learner's permit.
  • Never leave your last refill of percocet in plain sight after your docs office closes if one of these 3 friends is coming over for dinner: 1) some dude 2) my friend 3) that bitch.
  • Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.
  • If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests that are all positive, and you come into the emergency department...chances are that test too will come back positive.
Be warned now. Many of the entries will turn your stomach (think 'nether regions' and razor blades) and others talk about death in a rather nonchalant manner. There is definitely a certain degree of callousness involved. However, if you're able to get beyond that, the list provides for some hearty chuckles and gives one a new appreciation for what those in the medical profession have to put up with on a daily basis. To my mother and sisters... well, all I can say is you're doing God's work. You have my unyielding gratitude (and sympathy.) Enjoy.

P.S. Friday Links post tomorrow - I hope.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

2:18 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Fantastic! God Bless The Onion. They do such a wonderful job of zeroing in and poking fun of things that desperately need it (your posted article aside.) Thanks for the link!

3:28 PM  

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