Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Damned Skippy

Whoops - skipped a day there, didn't I? Sorry boys and girls. Things got a little hectic yesterday and there were a few fires at work that needed putting out. Unfortunate, and we know who suffers as a result. Oh yes, now we see who is forced to do without! Yes, that's right. You, my friends. You - the little man. It's not easy, jazzcats - not easy.

Alright, what the hell am I going on about... and what's with my sudden affinity for the word jazzcats? No idea... moving on.

We have this little 10:00 AM staff break here at work where the cafeteria guys put buckets of coffee and some frozen pastries in the break room... the general idea being that the faculty and staff will then flock to said break room (or the sunroom, as it's known - the walls and ceiling are made entirely of glass) scarf down whatever goodies are made available and mingle. Today however, instead of the frozen pastries they had donuts! Yes indeed - and what variety do you think I chose? Don't laugh - this says a lot about a person, believe it or not. PLAIN! Plain donuts are the flavor for my fare... or whatever the expression is. I didn't mingle though - I generally don't (I'm both shy and curmudgeonly.) I just took the goods and ran, justifying it to myself by saying I had to whip up a blog entry for my loyal fans. Regardless, I'm very content as I type this. Black coffee and a plain donut. I, it would seem, am a very easy man to please.

So.... do you all want to hear about the mini ant infestation in my apartment? Good! And by 'mini ant infestation' I meant the size of the infestation was small, not the size of the ants. As is typical in the change of season from winter to spring, the critters come a-crawlin' with their usual ferocity - and in their non-prejudicial quest to eat up and procreate, they generally try to find favorable conditions in which to do both. It would seem that this spring they settled on my third floor bachelor pad.

I first noticed them a few weeks ago. Their presence was very sporadic - I'd see one every couple of days - and I just chalked it up to the change in season. I mean, everyone gets a few ants around springtime, do they not? I didn't just notice them and let them stay, but I didn't have the heart to kill them either. Maybe it was the inner Buddha in me, or maybe it was my roommates copy of PETA's Animal Times magazine on the counter, but I was hesitant to stomp on the little things - particularly because I've always thought of ants as "good" bugs. They play a valuable role in the ecosystem, and they're generally more human-friendly and less harmful than other bugs - like roaches (disgusting, foul creatures that should be eradicated at all costs.) So seeing little other use for it, I would use the copy of PETA's Animal Times magazine to pick up the ants when I came across them and then dump them outside on the deck, where hopefully poor weather conditions would kill them and I could remain guilt-free. That was about two or three weeks ago.

Turns out that was pest control mistake #372. Not only did they not die (I'm assuming) but they came back into the apartment with a vengeance - and brought lots of friends. When I woke up this past Sunday I was immediately greeted by three ants on the floor when I entered the kitchen. Picked 'em up - put 'em outside. Then I went over to the coffeepot to prepare a pot... ant on the counter. Picked him up - put him outside. On my way back in, I saw another one on the floor, this time over by the stove. STOMP!! Killed the sucker, wiped him up and threw him in the trash can. I was tired of being a kind and benevolent deity to these nuisances. Now, they would bear my wrath. So much so, that over the course of the next hour and a half, I killed around 15-20 ants - and I wasn't even looking for them - they just happened to be in my way.

This, regrettably at the time because I didn't feel like doing a thing, called for drastic measures. I spent the next several hours cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. Sweep, mop, dust, disinfect - the works. I then got online and did some research on pest removal - specifically ants - and, lo and behold, there's "ant specific" stuff you can use to rid your house of the things. So, I made my way to the hardware store, picked up a bottle of ant killer and a bunch of bait traps (ants bring the food back to the colony and kill the Queen!! or so it says on the package), drove back home and went to town on the place. I sprayed the ant killer along the edge of every wall in the apartment, where it supposedly will work it's magic for up to four weeks and then proceeded to lay the ant traps in strategic places like under the stove, dishwasher and refrigerator.

Well - it's now Wednesday and I'm happy to say I haven't seen an ant in two days. Due to the chemicals, my eyes are red and I had an acne breakout that would make a thirteen year old blush (alright - a bit of an overstatement) but I'm happy to say that they've either died or vacated the premises (probably to the poor saps in the apartment below.) This is quite a relief - now I can have people over again and not worry about the embarrassment when the little buggers go crawling across the floor, because there won't be any!! (I hope.) In fact, what are you up to this weekend? I was going to watch a movie... maybe take in a baseball game. Why don't you come over and watch as well? I've got a kick-ass widescreen TV and surround sound setup. C'mon, it'll be fun!! We can toss back a few pops and share a bowl of raisins.

(Oh, and since I hate leaving you without something to click on.... here - play Hapland. This is an infuriating, trial and error type-game which someitmes follows the rules of logic, but often doesn't. I spent way to much time last night figuring it out. For further help click on the question mark at the bottom right. If I'm feeling nice, maybe I'll offer some hints or a walkthrough tomorrow.)


Blogger Sean said...

Ants are no fun. Glad you've taken care of 'em. Those dang lil' jazzcats.

6:17 PM  

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